The Struggle is Real!

I'm a lifelong reader. The first books I can ever remember reading on my own were Enid Blyton's Faraway Tree series. I must have read those books a dozen times over, each one of them. Not only because we didn't have a lot of money for books growing up, and at that age was still too young to go to the library by myself. And not only because I had to read something (yes, I was the kid sitting there reading the cereal box as I shoveled it in fast so I could get back to my book, or sitting on the toilet with a book, walking to school with my head in a book, you get the picture). It was because I loved what was in those books, loved getting lost for a while, rediscovering all the lands at the top of the tree, revisiting the characters, finding new small details that I'd missed the first few times in my haste to get to the The Land of Do-As-You-Please, or The Land of Presents.

I eventually got my own library card with permission to go there on my own. It was like a second home and over the years I was in and out, borrowing, reading, doing school projects. Even then it was common for the librarian to remind me that I'd already borrowed the book I had in hand. I simply loved it so much I wanted to read it again.

I always had favourite sections, scenes in stories. Later on when I started reading Sweet Valley High it was the holding hands, and the kissing that had me surreptitiously marking pages (where were Post-it notes back then!). And then of course, Jackie Collins... we all know what scenes I marked there....

Even as an adult I would read books a few times if I really enjoyed them, and I would ALWAYS get something new out them, feel just as satisfied at the end, as I did with the initial read.

I had my favourite authors: Stephen King, Dean Koontz, James Patterson, Clive Barker to name a few. Print was the only way to access these and there wasn't always extra funds to keep a steady supply. I was working hard, socialising with friends, then later on raising kids, still working full time. Spare time to hang out at the library was a distant memory, and to be honest, who had the energy to read anything other than Dr Zuess, and books about finding green sheep. I don't regret those days, at all. My kids are now avid readers and the time invested in those early years is invaulable.

So what's the struggle you ask, after having stuck with me through the waffle (thanks by the way).

The struggle is: I miss rereading books!

I've got myself into a bit of a cycle I'm really struggling with. It's only in the last 12 months that it's started to spiral out of control.

I was plodding along, finding new authors, working my way through their catalogues, rereading the ones I really liked, sometimes whole series. My Kindle changed my whole reading life, completely. I didn't even have to get up of the couch to go to the shops to buy the next book in the series, or go to the library (which I'm ashamed to admit I haven't stepped foot inside of for years).

The more authors I discovered, though, the more I wanted to read, which inevitably led to less time to go back and revisit my favourites.

When times were lean I would pop back and visit them to keep my eyes busy, my mind distracted from the sometimes shitty real life stuff. I didn't have a TBR pile or file, instead I was scouring the bargain section and free books on Amazon.... We all know what this achieved, dont we? MORE new authors to fall in love with! I would get hooked, and my book budget would be blown in the first week snapping up their catalogues and new releases.

If my reading time wasn't limited enough, last year I started writing, and then a few months later I started proofreading!

My life these days is spent reading, and don't get me wrong I LOVE IT, I have learnt so much from it and it's helped me become a better writer and communicator. By reading, though, I mean prooreading, which can take up to a week per book. I fit in my own writing, editing, research around this, and everything else my life involves as a mum.

I might allow myself to read for pleasure a few times a week these days, I'm only averaging 1-2 books at the moment :( My TBR file is growing because there are so many awesome books coming out by my favourite authors, and the list of these has grown exponentially thanks to clever marketing and just raw, addictive talent!

So the point is, and we're nearly there, I promise, is that I miss having the time to go back and reread some of my favourites. I used to love going back and covering the beginning of a series before I read a new adddition; can't seem to do it anymore. I want to go and catch up with Tooth and Lucky, Stitch and Zak, Red Jack and Loki, and of course Dom and Seth from all of my favourite K.A. Merikan series but can't seem to do it anymore! I want to go back and reread a book I've spontaneously recommended to someone, to see if I still think it's as awesome as I thought, if I think it will be a good fit for them; can't.

So what do I do about it? Carry on? Make some changes? I really don't know just yet. I'm loving what I'm doing and discovering new books to love. But, and it's a big but, I cannot lie, I do miss certain books and would love to read them again, try and find out for myself what I loved about it at the time I read it. Flick the author a message or a review so they know they touched me somehow.

I'm going to ponder on it for now because I have a big proof to finish and I need to focus on getting it done accurately and efficiently so I can have more time to dig into my TBR pile before the next one drops into my inbox :) The struggle is real!